not again

Every time I try to plan to visit some old friends, I end up postponing the thought. Despite having two consecutive day-offs, I can’t seem to take control of time; much more now that my brother and I are working in the same account. Talk about “bonding”. I can’t make up any alibi since we’ll constantly be seeing each other. And unless I forget, I’m going to school again, still crossing my fingers that I be exempted from wearing the f*cking uniform.
My only physical/social recreation is playing badminton once a week with another coworker. And from this, I was able to meet his other friends from college, mostly second coursers and people who have jobs already. I don’t know why age seems to be the topic that’s prevalent when we get introduced. Not that it’s a given fact, but I blend anyway.

Pressure is coming up again. I can feel it slowly creeping. But then, after hearing a colleague sign up for a second job that would require her to work twice the regular working shift, I’d better stop complaining. I still don’t like coffee, I like the smell, but I’m not a slave. 🙂

“Ed, don’t chase time, your day will come. Everyone will have a moment in their lives, don’t pressure yourself too much.” à an officemate once said. How will you know if it’s your time actually? It’s hard letting things be. I may seem like a happy-go-lucky person. But beneath the surface, I’m suffering cause of being way far, far behind. Nobody will understand the standards I set for myself. Because of the differences in the way we were taught and brought. But like I have to explain in every detail the things running through this head of mine.,

That’s why people sometimes find it hard to comprehend why I’m living like hell inside but still find time to smile about simple things as if I were retarded. They will never know. Life is a series of limits, fluctuating from maxima and minima in gradual wavelengths. Right now we’re on top, or probably getting there. I just don’t know how long this will last. But I just have to hold on. I don’t have any other choice, I just don’t. Well, maybe there are lots, only the ones left are not too sane to be given much attention.

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Miss her so. Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the afternoon, and see dark clouds hovering above, I can’t help but think. I feel so empty during these times. Why do I even bother finding a solution? Do I really feel something? Or is it just the image of having someone to live with that’s stressing me out? Still I can’t control this emotion weighing me down. Let me forget. Or maybe I will. Busy days are actually up ahead.

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Where’s a shallow entry when you need one?

spoke (1)

1. nix left… Wednesday, 8 November 2006 3:16 pm

Age is THE ony topic nowadays huh?

Read my recent entry.

This is such a coincidence it makes me laugh. Lol.