speaking of the sorry state i’m in, i’m going to talk about how sorry i am some more. nah. but i’m going down the slumps. i’m not in school and it’s frustrating cause you were planning to finish your 5-year course in 3 and a half years or so. dang. fate has its way of messing your life up and blinding you.

i’m not really, really in a bad mood cause of not being able to study due to financial instability. i’m actually more pissed in smaller terms. cause as shallow as it might sound, i don’t want to return schooling and still have to face PE again, even if it will be the last. i want to finish all the minor subjects already like religion also. ok lang sana kung next sem pa kami indi (bisaya man ko!).. hindi makapasok kasi kahit papa’no, mga major na lang ang aatupagin ko.

oh well, what gives?

since a lot more boring days are in store for me, i’m contemplating (yes, i do have the ability to contemplate–but only on wet times) on learning a new skill or catching up on my reading.

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Ladies’ Man
by Richard PriceOnce, Kenny Becker had a barely tolerable girlfriend and a miserable job. Now, unattached and unemployed, he’s cruising bars and massage parlors, sinking into the frenzy and loneliness of the 1970s singles scene in New York.

amazon.

this book reminded me of the classic The Catcher in the Rye. probably because of the situation of the lead character and his experiences, his ‘angsty’ experiences in the suburbs after losing his career, his prospect wife and maybe his sanity too. searching for some way to straighten priorities, finding a spark and dreaming of fulfilling his ambitions. after i finished it, it’s similar to what i’ve felt with the catcher, “that’s it?” bitin! pero oks na rin. vividly describes the scene of urban life in the eyes of a washboard abs-obsessed Joe in Manhattan. enjoyed the humor too. downright porn in another sense though. what can i say? i’m a big fan of comedy and sex. added with being single and lonely plus i got it for only 50 bucks. need i say more?

p.221

“I noticed a movie marquee with an orange-tinted blowup of a nude woman on her back, her neck arched, eyes closed in ecstasy, knees spread and drawn up almost to her shoulders. Her position, the fuck-me look on her face, stopped me cold. Suddenly I realized I was fondling myself. I was standing in the middle of Times Square and fondling myself as if I were home straddling the toilet. I jerked my hand away as if it had grazed something red-hot. What if Kristin saw me? La Donna? The lady from Pinaccle who would then recognize me on Monday? What if… What if… I felt nailed in my shit, my ugliness, my loneliness. Less than human. Not me. Different from every living, breathing person on the street. “Not me” meant “not human,” meant so wrapped up in yourself the the rest of the world is reduced to white sound, background buzz. I reeled down the street burning with horror and embarrassment. I was so wrapped up in my own head, so gone, I was acting like a street schizo. I was a street schizo. That was the act of a street schizo. Two hundred people must have passed me while I touched myself. Two hundred people must have registered “degenerate” in their brains. I leaned against a parked car, my hand to my mouth — blown away. I still had a big hard-on. I remembered a cartoon I saw once; a horned satyr lying on a shrink’s couch: “Doc, I can’t get it down.” ”

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i used Blog-City’s file manager for uploading and using the image. yey. hehe. at least, at least.

it’s only thru blogging that i get updated on the latest flicks and thru blog reviews that i can at least fake that i’ve seen a certain movie or some. so c’mmon, write some harry potter reviews now!!! hehe…

what will be will be, bummer.

posted Thursday, 17 November 2005

nix made this comment,

Harry Potter was ok. Not the greatest but it was at least worth seeing.Someone’s in a slump…

comment added :: 18th November 2005, 18:53 GMT+08

nina made this comment,

Hmmm im not so good at review Ed.. hehe sencya na Bai. the movie was good. Worth it the P120 sa SM.

comment added :: 19th November 2005, 12:10 GMT+08

amia made this comment,

i loved the movie. i got reserved seats on the first screening. the best out of the 4 for me. but the character development there wasnt so good. lalo na yung pagdevelop nya sa “relationship” ni ron and hermione, not good.i dont think someone who hasnt read the book will really understand what’s happening since it just shows you certain scenes from the book without tackling the really important issues. parang pictures without really a story. but then again pagtinackle lahat, the movie would be longer than 2 and a half hours. lol. but sana naman nagtackle sya kahit konti. yung quid world cup nga wala pa yatang 5 minutes sa movie e yun yung pinaka maraming chapter sa book. lol. but id like to watch again. i already found someone who agreed to watch with me ulit. LOL.

comment added :: 19th November 2005, 16:21 GMT+08

ravissant made this comment,

hindi ko pa na basa yung “catcher in the rye.” ayun sa bookshelve ko, collecting dust! hehe!

comment added :: 21st November 2005, 06:39 GMT+08

CNBGirl made this comment,

nde ko pa rin nabasa yung catcher in the rye. ang tagal na nakaqueue sa akin yun.btw, hp4 is a must see movie pero bitin.

comment added :: 21st November 2005, 19:39 GMT+08

nicole made this comment,

hi ed, now s the time to catch up on your reading ako din i am not updated with the latest movies sobrang behind na talaga ako anyway take care!nicole

comment added :: 30th November 2005, 02:28 GMT+08

stop before it strikes.
emotions distressed,
indifference practiced.
no sentiments nor reactions.
stillness maintained to devoid myself.
this is just a phase,
calm yourself, get up.
you are no sun.
fucking reality.
when will nostalgia silence me?
the drama of life,
it’s all BS.

i think i’ve used up all my breaks and vacations and on-leaves that i find it hard just to lower myself down to the floor and debug the simple problems that are creating havoc when not attended in full. i believe that for the remaining years, i’ll always be working.

sometimes i feel i’m fed up. when trying to find one’s worth is just too daunting a task like hand-washing and wringing denims. maybe that’s why i never pulled the courage to finish the Purpose Driven Life. sure, i’ve read some parts of it, but i stopped. now, am i really ready enough to take in all its comments and insights? or am i just making it harder to bear? c’mmon, it’s just a book.

had a nice chat with friends and realized that we all do go through certain points in life that can up us a step or cower at the thought. suicidial issues mustn’t be part of your itinerary. when one is forced to decide whether to continue living or end life. it’s hard. especially when you don’t know what comforting words should be typed cause you neither have the right nor the wisdom to do so.

life’s tiring. even mentioning it plagues your actual goals which creates another diversion to the necessities that one should be giving more attention to.

i don’t like college. this transition isn’t a very good one. i turned 19 more than a month ago. obviously, i never wrote anything on that date. “good riddance” is all i can say to my 18th year of oddly existence. it wasn’t a pleasant experience. though i’m having troubles enrolling this sem; still, when am i not? if ever i’m privileged, i still have 3 and a half years to pursue. but i can’t seem to wait that long.

this entry couldn’t be any more depressing. banging one’s head literally with one’s fists isn’t the only torture one has thought of and actually done to rid the ache. and to think that i’m already through with angst. apparently, i’m not well. i want to stop blogging that i guess the only thing that’s keeping me from deleting this pathetic site is its two-lettered nick. any takers?

what a way to update. so what does one do when he’s bored to death from too much pixel intake? dance the Pinoy Big Brother song.

posted Wednesday, 2 November 2005

nina made this comment,
hmmm write it all down.. that can help you not only with your boredom? but with whatever it is you are feeling as well.. *hugs*

comment added :: 2nd November 2005, 22:23 GMT+08
nix made this comment,
sometimes all we need is a nice talk with good old friends to make it all better. yeah, life’s hard, life a mean old bitch, so hard to accept the ‘take it or leave it’ deal huh?
take it one day at a time…

comment added :: 3rd November 2005, 12:03 GMT+08
Shawty made this comment,
try to remember those days when you use to dance on science or filipino day.. i bet that would give you a damn good laugh

comment added :: 6th November 2005, 11:07 GMT+08
Paul made this comment,
i want to say ‘okay lang yan, Ed’. we all pass through hard times. absorb all the learnings. either they make you a better person or worse than you can imagine. take your pick. good luck, you’re young and opportunities abound.

comment added :: 7th November 2005, 14:11 GMT+08
CNBGirl made this comment,
the hard and tiring episodes in our life makes us appreciate the good things we have, and makes sweet memories all the more sweeter. in the years ahead, you’ll look back to this day and say, ‘this episode in my life made me the strong person i am now. i’m glad i experienced it whan i was 19.’
hang on, there. good luck.

comment added :: 14th November 2005, 10:02 GMT+08
ed made this comment,
nina: will do. thanks.
nix: i can’t.

shawty: art’s and culture day tenz. ;p

paul: yeah, i sometimes forget im only 19. thanks.

cnbgirl: i’m gonna quote you again one of these days. hehe.