Heaven knows how bitter I am, cause an angel has flown away from me.

Those words pierce like daggers. Yet, I couldn’t find anything to refute those statements. It’s sad, I thought I had everything going; but everything always come with a price. This Christmas has been a lonely one for me, friendship and falling-out issues arose.

Bitter, I never really associated the word with my current condition. I’ve always thought the term was ‘depressed’. But I’m wrong, bitter is what fits the sentiment I feel towards life altogether in every aspect. I’ll get better, I always do; everyone does, in due time.

Right now, what keeps me sane is taking pictures and editing them. I’m not really fluent in the language of Adobe and Corel Draw, I was even having a bit of a time looking for a web-based photo editing site that I could use that’s not blocked by IT. So I stumbled upon phixr. It’s actually okay when you think about the features it has, I was able to use it so I could edit the header of this site. I’m just waiting on when I can get my own pc and a digicam, that’s where I’ll really start to be in the zone of enhancing photos.

I’m also planning on putting some pictures of the different places/beaches I’ve gone to. Ever since I started working in this industry, team outings have been a staple. The good thing is I get to enjoy nature at a more affordable price since we go in groups. Rather than saving them all in one site, it’s better also to share my experiences here on how I got there, for other people’s reference as well.

I should drink coffee more often.

I’m starting to feel better now.

I went with my co-workers (or should I see co-trainees) at a birthday party or just some nights after work. Some of my them are a little agog over getting their Starbucks stickers completed so they can get a planner as part of the establishment’s promotion. I’m not really much of a coffee fan, but I admit I’m a bit dependent on them to keep me awake these days. And it helps that I can get a 50% discount when buying a frappe provided I give them my sticker. All’s fair in coffee and planners. toink.

The previous days have been a blur.

John, our Vietnamese (but raised in Canada) trainer, is cool. Such one heck of a funny guy and much of a smartass. I like it since training doesn’t seem so boring since he lets us talk a lot even if it’s not related to the topic.

So it’s Christmas already, what’s new? nada. I just celebrate Christmas like any other; same as last year’s and the year before that. Of course, there’s got to be at least a simple preparation, but not really that much.

Merry Christmas, hope it won’t be as blue as mine.

I’m sick. I’m weak, bad enough that it had to happen during the Christmas season. Dry cough anyone??? And I thought I’m invincible. harhar. I hope I’ll get better within 2 days. At least I have more time to rest since we don’t work this holiday.

I’m still on training until mid January. This has got to be the longest training I’ve gone through in my one and a half-year’s stay in this company. I got no time to complain though.

a view from our building at night.

Where Are You Now? - Jimmy Harnen

All alone tonight, I’m calling out your name
Somewhere deep inside this part of you remains
Images of love take me back in time

I don’t know how it started or why it ever had to end
But something stepped inside we didn’t let it in
It’s keeping us apart, where are you now

Where are you now? Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine?
Where are you now? Do you wonder where I am,
Are you really feelin’ fine?

Goin’ through my life without you by my side
You’re the only thing that keeps goin’ through my mind
And nothin’ that I do can take the place of you

Where are you now? Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine?
Where are you now? Do you wonder where I am,
Are you really feelin’ fine?

Oooh, thinkin’ about you, girl,
There’s gotta be a place for me
Somewhere in your heart

All alone tonight, I’m calling out your name
Somewhere deep inside this part of you remains
Images of love, where are you now?

Where are you now? Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine?
Where are you now? Do you wonder where I am,
Are you really feelin’ fine?

Where are you now? Is someone there tonight
Holding what was mine?
Where are you now? Do you wonder where I am,
I need you here tonight

 … Where are you now?

Christmasquerade
December 16, 2007

We just had our company Christmas party and the theme was a masquerade ball. We held it at the Waterfront hotel. A lot of people were really, according to the words of our site director, “HOT”. Since most made the effort to prepare and dress up.

A lot of people were added to the growing number of employees as the organization is still expanding. They rented a bigger venue in Waterfront, but still the place was crowded! Compared to last year’s event, there are a number of forgivable instances, but still there aren’t that many companies can pull off a party like this. And the way the company pampers their employees is truly exceptional.

I was hoping to win one of the prizes but I guess I’m not as lucky this year. I wasn’t able to eat that much since I was so busy taking photos using somebody else’s camera. hehe

Yes, it was a night of vanity. But with the number of pictures as well as the efforts of the people who really prepared, ’twas worth it!

Since it’s still the month of December, one of the events that one would normally look forward to would be the Christmas party. Something about the cold air and the joy of gift-giving, even if forced, is still a moment we happily expect once in a while.

I attended about 5 Christmas parties which is actually the most that I’ve had in a year. Had a time in those ocassions as well. Different and same people you’ve spent the previous year with. It’s nice since right now, I’ve never participated in this many. hehe.

In those times, I would retreat tired and full. Now isn’t any different since I’m pooped,  I got home so late in different instances. But I’m glad, knowing that at the end of the day, I’d be so sleepy enough to even think straight.

I was moved to another shift. From 6am-2am, my shift now starts from 3pm-11pm. Before, I was having a hard time waking up FOR work; now, I’m having a hard time waking up AT work. I always feel sleepy whenever during class discussions. So I succumbed to drinking coffee to keep me alive in the exchange of information.

Come to think of it, it’s been a long while since I last drank coffee; ’twas back when I was working and studying at the same time. Boy, was that a drag. People have noticed a big difference when I stopped schooling, I regained my normal size/weight. And I never really thought about it until now; at least I got something better out of being stagnant.

Right now, since I’m on training, there’re a lot of topics I’m trying to sink in my brain. But I’m doing my best to be good in retaining the necessary details that will prepare me when we’ll go live. Hopefully I’ll survive this until January whenever.

Was just browsing through some old posts and I stumbled upon a color quiz, it held true when I first took it; and right now, somehow it still does. Sheesh, am I that transparent?

Your Friend’s Existing Situation
Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities–especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.

Your Friend’s Stress Sources
The situation is regarded as threatening or dangerous. Resentful that what he has striven so hard for is being menaced, and disparate because he feels powerless to prevent it–fears that he is going to miss out altogether. Unable to view the situation objectively, but extremely agitated and cannot rest in his attempts to remove this threat to his desires. Over-extended and feels beset, possibly to the point of nervous prostration.

Your Friend’s Restrained Characteristics
The situation is preventing him from establishing himself, but he feels he must make the best of things as they are.
Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.

Your Friend’s Desired Objective
Suffering from the effects of those things which are being rejected as disagreeable, and is strongly resisting them. Just wants to be left in peace.

Your Friend’s Actual Problem
The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants drives him to the exploitation of all types of experience, so that he may categorically deny that any of them has any value. This destructive denigration becomes his method of concealing hopelessness and a profound sense of futility.

Your Friend’s Actual Problem #2
Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on his resources. This feeling of powerlessness subjects him to agitation and acute distress. He reacts by considering that he has been victimized, and insists–with indignation, resentment, and defiance–on being given his own way.

Take the ColorQuiz yourself right now!

It’s December, and I just got my 13th month pay. woohoo!

I’m seriously thinking of buying something instead of saving it in the bank. Since that’s what I did last year and I never got anything because of getting some for a certain event or taking a little at times that I would tend to splurge. Though I’m plagued with different debts and loans, I still have other plans for the bonus I received. To purchase something more useful in which I can generate some income in the process.

Went to SM Cebu and checked their newly opened Northwing, ’twas huge! Well, compared to what it once was. It’s about time that they did something to attract the other market as well. A lot of spaces are still being filled up, but at least it’s starting to take shape.

The previous days have been a blur since I was having a hard time waking up at 6am in the morning for my scheduled work. When was the last time I woke up early for something? Somehow, it felt like gradeschool all over again.

The Christmas season is already in the air, music’s about carols and jingles. Next week’s going to be a busy one, with the different parties I’m attending. It’s starting to get cold but I’m also anticipating the warmth this month will bring.

I never thought I’d miss the people I’ve been with for the past 8 months. My team; it’s good to know that even after that time, we’ve grown used to each other that we more or less know ourselves when we’re together. It’s nice when you share laughs and frustrations and in the end, work as one.

Bowling sprees, Beach escapades, group portraits, videoke sessions, after-shift dinners and drinking binges; one of the few things I’m going to miss, really miss from these people. The mockery and jokes, even the insults toward each other, I’m going to miss them too. I guess the feeling is normal; especially when you accept the manners and flaws of the different characters you associate with while working. And now because of change, everything has to amend.

Nothing is permanent as usual. We have to face facts and recognize actuality that things really don’t last accordingly. I’ve already known this even before I started working; that’s why I did my best to distance myself from people since parting is gloomy when the time comes. Initially, I’ve tried to just mingle with them at a shallow level, but that’s where it all starts. You, then have to bear each one’s personality with pride since you share the same standing. After realizing that you’re not going to be with each other’s company anymore due to circumstance and in some point, decision; it hits you like a hard slap in the face. Still, sooner or later the inevitable takes place and we just have to let things be.

Wherever we are, we bring a part of our group with us. Thank you team Keith, for the times well spent.

Don’t cry cause it’s over, smile cause it happened.

I couldn’t disturb her, not at this time in life where she’s under so much pressure. I wanted so badly but didn’t. Brain still overpowers intuition. I could’ve brought everything up but I just shut my mouth. I kept things light and breezy, as if we were old friends meeting up after a long while. But I guess it’s neither both: old, or even friends. I felt worthless, much more stupid.

She wouldn’t even want to sit beside me when I don’t carry a disease. Did I seem desperate? Or did unkempt thoughts overwhelm the situation more that we got too blind to notice?

It’s sad, knowing that as much as I wanted everything to fall into place, it all crumbled. I bought the f*cking gadget even if I didn’t have any just so I could have an excuse to see her, she didn’t know the trouble I got through for that. But it’s my fault why I volunteered in the first place. In the end, I’m still the loser; and I blew and screwed myself for ever being there without doing anything.

I’m on a high.

I submitted an application for a higher post mainly because I wanted change, a drastic one at that. I was already too comfortable with taking calls for the same account for a year and a half already. The job isn’t bad; it’s in fact good. It’s too good that I felt like I was already in a comfort zone; which isn’t entirely bad. However, where’s the learning process? It seemed like I’m doing the same thing over and over again that I deem my fullest potential wasn’t utilized.

After 5 days from my interview, I received the news that I got the job.

I got the job! After 2 unsuccessful attempts of applying for a higher position, I got it! It felt good when people congratulated me on the floor. I couldn’t conceal the bliss I was feeling. It’s exciting and fulfilling at the same time knowing that you have worth.

I’ll start training next week; I’m a bit troubled since I’ll be moving in to a new account which is uncertain if it will prosper. But then, I have faith. I took this challenge and I’m still going to do my best to improve even further as well as make use of what I can do with the new knowledge I’ll be learning; since I still stopped schooling.

At times when I remained doubtful, I’m so glad that I have colleagues who’ve been supportive of me. I’m sad that I’ll be departing from the people I regularly see. That I’m running off from those I’ve grown accustomed with. Though I don’t want to think about leaving people who’re close to me, this is still for my betterment.

There have been a lot of changes going on in our account that the people I saw before as part of my team already rose from their ranks and became leaders in their own rights. I’m also happy for them that after the long wait, they got what they’ve asked for.

So what are my expectations? More training and work, as well as adjusting to a new environment. I’m glad that there’s change cause everything will suffice in the end.

To a new day!