Let the Delusions Begin

Note: This post was written prior to my departure, I didn’t have the opportunity to publish it right away.

It’s 9pm and I’m waiting for my flight at 10:50. A flight that marks the beginning of my journey which according to my friend, is my biggest adventure so far. The initial plan was to stay for two weeks and go through the Indochina route. But with the recent turn of events, I’ve decided to stay longer and travel to more countries.

Everything is falling into place yet I’m having mixed emotions. Should I push through with the trip or am I just carried away?

typing thoughts

Normally, I’d just inform everyone that I’ll be gone and be back after a few days and this time was no different. Leaving home was such a blur that I wondered if the saying farewell was too soon. I even forgot to bid goodbye to our dog.

There are moments when I feel that I’m just making a hasty decision and I’m wondering if my plans are really going to happen. I haven’t really thought about it in full because my mind is too preoccupied with other things at the present. But when I finally have the time to contemplate, I somehow realize how big of a deal this idea actually is.

Luck Playing On Me

A series of unfortunate events had occurred before I arrived at the airport.

  • I came late for my flight from Cebu to Manila and I had to buy a new ticket.
  • An earthquake happened while I was boarding the plane.
  • One of my ATM cards was blocked when I tried to withdraw funds.
  • The check-in counter was bent on having me turn my baggage in when I wanted it hand-carried.
  • I also spent so much on taxi fare just to have my Pesos exchanged to Dollars in Manila.
  • I had a bit of a challenge at the Immigration counter when they wouldn’t let me go right away.

It seems that luck is testing me and I’ve only a thin slice of patience left. But I can’t back out now. I’m already here at the NAIA airport and I’ve got my tickets. I will push through!

boarding area

Sitting at a food shop at the airport and taking advantage of their WiFi access, I can’t help but think things over to the point that I’m getting sick to my stomach. It’s more than just the butterflies; my life and my future depends on this now. It’s that moment when you begin to doubt whether this was a good decision or not.

But then, I am led back to the reason why I did this in the first place – It’s time to live.

time to fly

A friend gave a few words of encouragement that made me see things in a better light:

“just go with the flow. you’re here now so be here. stop doubting yourself. you make a mistake, we’ll fix it.”

A positive mindset is what I needed and I’m thankful to have been given the tip at the right moment.

The minimum target is six months and after paying most of my debts back in Cebu, I only have around 30,000 bucks as my pocket money. I have my freelance job to back me up but I need to work the proper number of hours in order to have enough funds to stay alive.

I also need to find a place to stay for a few weeks so I can start working. The faster I can start working, the longer I can stay anywhere. I’m still not certain how long I’ll be able to keep this up. Who knows, I’ll just go home and treat this trip as a short vacation. In the mean time, I say, “Let the delusions begin.”




This post has been updated to be submitted as my entry to the Pinoy Travel Blogger’s Blog Carnival themed Leap of Faith: When Travelling Changed My Life which is hosted by Reiza of Wander if You Must. Click on the Blog Carnival Logo on the left to see more interesting posts and topics.




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soloflightEd.com is a travel blog by Edcel Suyo. He enjoys performing headstands and crazy stunts during his trips in the Philippines, Southeast Asia, and the Middle East. Now based in Dubai, United Arab Emirates and working to earn a living, he takes time to enjoy the city and travel during weekends.
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For questions, advertising, and other concerns, shoot an email to ed@soloflighted.com.

40 thoughts on “Let the Delusions Begin”

  1. Have a safe trip Ed!  As one of my previous boss would say whenever I screw up at work – "Ready, Fire, Aim!"  This is his way of telling me that "analysis paralysis" won't get me anywhere and that issues will always crop up and I will always have control to either adjust (and improve) or sulk, so I always try to improve 🙂
    Stay safe and keep encouraging us with your posts!

  2. take one for the team ed! it's fine to feel anxious, excited and doubtful all at the same time but like one of Coldplay song goes…"if you'll never try, you'll never know"
    good luck and see you somewhere…Laos maybe? lol

  3. Okay, yes, the 30k is really a tight budget. You have not disclosed much details about your freelance work. But, in any case, you need to keep it going. 6 months is quite long. But it is an adventure 🙂
    If I may suggest, if your relatives can, ask if they can send you money in case of emergency. Remember, you are in a different country, it is better to always have a plan B.

  4. Go lang. Sometimes such small quirks are there to warn you not to push through, but that usually happens when you are living in routine. Since this is a big decision and a game changer for you, I think I agree with what some have already posted here, it's just a test from the universe. Have fun, and do not forget to make kwento! HAHAHA. 🙂

  5. After reading this, I felt heavy emotionally. It is a mix of emotions: fear, doubt, thrill, and hope. The same feeling when I saw you jumping that high at Macau, and hey, you did it.
    Life is about jumping, it is all about taking the risks, to make things happen and real. And you made me very proud of you. God's eyes is on the sparrow, and His hands will surely guide you.
    You indeed are living your name: Ed, solo on his flight. But God is with you.
    Keep your trails going,
    Dave ^_^

  6. Let the adventure of a lifetime steer your course but with your good-madness maneuvering it'll take you to a place you've never been before and where everybody would want to end up.

  7. I like the way you put it, "It's time to live".  I think the same thing when I put myself out there.  Sometimes no matter how much you look at it, all you can do is move forward and just do it.  Take that chance and see what happens.

  8. hooray!!!!
    ayan na!!! time to fly! amazing, kinikilabutan ako while reading this post kasi parang gusto ko na din magresign and challenge myself . No assurance of what you will encounter and what it will give you. Ang saya nyan panigurado but please please Ed!! always share the experience, id be one of those people who will love to hear more of your amazing experiences and thrilling adventures in that journey through this blog! pls wag lang successful stories, dont sugar coat your journey katulad ng ibang bloggers just share all the experience. I know youll have a fulfilling journey! cant wait to read more post in the coming days, 

  9. You're thinking too much, Ed. A decision has been made, and you decided from the heart. I'm telling ya, I made many decisions with my head and even if they're right, many of those didn't make me happy the way I feel now. The heart knows. Perish the nega thoughts! Enjoy. Celebrate!

  10. So you are the delusional friend Doi mentioned in her post. Hahaha. 
    I figured. LOL
    Man, you've got some guts! I admire you and Doi for that. Both of you are really brave… hahaha
    I'm hoping for the best in both your journeys… Enjoy the journey as much as the destination! 


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