confused

People change. I am in our room, thinking. Wondering
different things and reminiscing the past. My 4th year term has ended.
Or in act, High School life is over. Finish. Done. Certain “what-ifs”
enter into my crazy mind. Like “what if I didn’t do this on a
particular situation” or “what if I did that on another”. But then, I
couldn’t alter time and undo these things anymore. These happenings
that I ponder are now what we call MEMORIES. You can’t help but relive
each happy or gloomy, embarrassing or heart aching moment. “The time
when we were in this place doing this” or “the time when we got
scolded by Miss So and So”. You could just tell that this life
couldn’t get any better, or worse. That’s when it hits you. You jump
back to reality. I recall that I had just graduated. March 22, 2003,
to be exact. I am no longer a highschooler. Gone are the days of
reporting from 7 to 5. Having to deal with lessons and projects that
seemed like eternity; and meeting and chatting my brothers and sisters
of the alleged “2nd home”.

Or maybe I’m just overreacting. We may still do experience
these stuffs as we continue our journey in college. But things, I
guess, will never be the same. Not like high school. It is the most
wonderful and exciting part of a student’s life; or so as they say.
Me? I miss these memories already. Amidst the preparations of my batch
mates, taking their entrance exams in this college or passing some
requirements to be able to study in this university, I stay motionless
and still daydreaming. You see, I have no direction in life, at least
not yet. The problem? Money. It is a very big factor. You then might
comment on why I didn’t apply for a scholarship or get a job or why
don’t I ask help from relatives. Ever had the feeling of not wanting
to study anymore? I’m experiencing this stage right now (if ever there
really is).

When someone asks me what course I’m going to take, I
couldn’t even give a confident answer. Undecided. That’s what I call
it. Every course a person would suggest, I find something negative in
it. I don’t know why. I’m confused. I feel isolated, left out. While
people are moving on with their lives and pursuing their ambitions,
I’m still static, not moving anywhere. I’m left behind. I want to be
independent but I don’t want to be not taken care of. Sounds ironic?
Ironic and pathetic! I don’t’ know where life will take me to. And I
think that it’s a problem wherein I’m the only one who can find its
solution. For it’s my life I’m talking about. But for now, I’m just
waiting, for something to happen. And I know something will. Am I
going to study at a college or university? Will I go home or stay
here? What course am I going to take up? Will I be successful? These
questions are left unanswered yet, but soon will be revealed. By who?
TIME. I got to be patient. For only time can tell.

posted Wednesday, 1 October 2003
A visitor made this comment,
there is simply nothing like highschool!
but you’ll get the same fun in college.there are lots of things to
like.flexibility in sched..hanging out while taking your 2 hour
break…skipping class..without having to worry…

=)

Mirage
comment added :: 1st October 2003, 15:45 GMT+08
A visitor made this comment,
college is fun. it’s more profound than hs.

point #2: you graduated on my 22nd birthday! hehe.

=)

manofmars
comment added :: 1st October 2003, 18:17 GMT+08
cadburry made this comment,
i am 23, but i still do not know what i want in life. nakapagtapos na
ng college, at may relatively stable job na pero i still have the same
problem as you are as regards the path to take in life.
Just live your life one day at a time. Someday, you’ll know where the
tide is leading you to. Good luck! =)

cadburry
comment added :: 1st October 2003, 21:52 GMT+08
eryN made this comment,
high school’s happy memories should only inspire you to make some
more…maybe in college, maybe not. but that’s for you to decide. if i
may say so, i never expected my college years to have been that fun.
decide well so there’ll be no regrets.=)

Visit me @ http://purplequill.blog-city.com
comment added :: 2nd October 2003, 17:23 GMT+08